Okay, maybe not fat, but certainly a little pudgy–fat’s first cousin, also known as “a cheeseburger away”. Here’s the deal, gang, I have issues. WE KNOW THIS. This blog isn’t called “Former Fat Girl Neuroses” for nothing. But I am not completely deluded. I know I’m not fat, whatever that means. (It really is a subjective and not-so-nice term, but I only use it on myself and mainly for the sake of brevity). That said, I am certainly rounder at the edges that I’d like to be. Thing is, I didn’t even realize it.
The circumstances predicating this revelation were actually quite lovely. Two dear friends were getting married and were kind enough to invite me to their beautiful wedding. (Shout out to Eb and Tina!!) I waited until the last minute to decide what I was wearing, literally the night before. I had a few options in mind and decided to try them on. Dress one, which I haven’t worn since 2010, was a simple strapless. As soon as I pulled it up around my hips, it felt a little…um…snug.
[Deep breath. Don’t freak out. It’s fine. Don’t panic.]
With every inch of that zipper, the dress became more and more constricting until it finally reached the top and I stood there…sweating–a sausage in her casing. What in Hillshire Farms Hell? It was too tight. TOO. DAMN. TIGHT!!! I was in shock. I just stood in the middle of the room for a couple minutes, trying to will the dress to loosen, hoping that somehow, in the recesses of my closet, it had shrunken on its own. (Sad, I know.) But I wasn’t completely defeated.
This was a mistake. Had to be. So I grabbed dress two, one I had proudly worn for a birthday dinner a couple years back. This was the TEST DRESS. You know, the one that hugs you in all the right places and is unforgiving in others–the dress that lets you know unequivocally whether or not you’ve gained weight. The battle was over before it began. I could barely get the zipper past my mid-back. But that wasn’t even the worst of it. Once I did, I turned around and got a good look in the mirror.
Bulges, rolls and folds, oh my. Not cute, people. Not cute. As I stood there, wondering how in the world I let this happen, I started to wonder: Dang. Why didn’t anybody tell me? Which lead me to a larger question: Is it ever okay to tell a friend that he/she is getting fat? Or at least packing on some poundage.
Of course I texted my girlfriends and deemed them all violators of the unwritten G-code. (Girl code, folks, not gangster. We’re not gangsters. I own the movie “Annie,” so…enough said.) How come nobody told me? I ranted? Nobody invited me to work out or do a juice cleanse or anything. Of course, being the loving and kind women they are, they simply called me a delusional maniac and bid me farewell. #ByeFelecia. (Not really. But kind of.)
I’ve always considered myself an honest friend, one who gives her honest opinion when asked, (and sometimes when not asked), and who appreciates the same in return. However, I realized this particular situation is quite different. I, too, have observed as friends’ weights fluctuated over the years–down, up, around the bend and back again–and I have never said to someone, Hey boo, you’re getting a little chunky. Maybe you should order the salmon. Like, who does that? Or should we do that?
I remember when a guy friend was in was in town visiting several years ago. We had not seen each other in a long time. He pinched my side and said, ‘where did this come from’? *Gasp, right?!* But wait. Once the initial shock of his candor wore off, I actually laughed. “Have I gained weight,” I asked. “Yeah, a little,” was his reply. He then went on to say very nice things, but the point is, I was so grateful that he told me because no one else would. Hell, neither would I if the roles were reversed! As much as I appreciate that level of transparency in my relationships, I don’t know if I would have to heart to practice it. I would be so scared of hurting the feelings of someone I love.
So, I want to know from you guys! Would YOU tell a friend that they had put on weight? Do you think it’s out of line or just a part of an honest friendship? I am so anxious to hear your thoughts.
As always, thanks for reading. Until the next crisis…besos.
PS: I’m not on some crazy diet to lose these few extra pounds, btw. I’m actually just trying to eat less grains and more greens. No wheat, potatoes or corn for the month of October. I’ll let you know how it goes! 🙂