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More Sex Please…

Before we begin–Dad, Ajay, Hassan, you may want to stop reading now. Baby girl is all grown up!

Now that Pop and the big brothers have left the room, let me explain myself. This topic grew out of an innocent conversation that I had with my aunt over the Christmas holiday. We were talking about food and eating habits, and we ended up finding that we both had something in common–night eating. Not 10-11pm, snacking before bed. I mean, being in a dead sleep, waking up to use the bathroom or get a glass of water and ending up at the kitchen counter inhaling leftover chicken wings or  making a sandwich, practically, with eyes clothes. (Sidenote: I understand that revealing such embarrassing things about myself diminishes my cool factor exponentially and probably makes me seem like an absolute weirdo. But dammit, my readers deserve to know the truth! This is me. Khalilah Joi Dubose: sleep eater.) Truthfully, I’m not exactly asleep, nor I am fully awake. But for some reason, on certain nights, (not every night of course, maybe once or twice a month), I wake up at some ungodly hour absolutely famished. Come to find out, my aunt had the same problem many years ago. She would wake in the middle of the night and eat. Genetics? Not likely. But then she said something that shook me to the core.

“I always thought it was from a lack of sex.”

…pause out of the awkwardness of hearing your aunt say the word ‘sex’….then…Sweet merciful orgasm! That’s it! Or at least, that could be it. (Dad, if you haven’t stopped reading, now would be a good time. This is your final warning.) So here is more embarrassing, radically revealing information. I don’t have a lot of sex. Particularly for a single woman my age, or so I hear…often. I’m not a virgin. *gasp* But I guess I am what you would call celibate. Whether that’s by choice or circumstance is a matter of debate. But since my last relationship, I haven’t done much of the  funky hip hustle. The most consistent amount of action my bed has seen is the full-on wrestling matches I have with my jeans.

So when my aunt said what she said, it dawned on me that maybe those night cravings are actually representative of a craving for something else. Maybe rather than a bowl of  soy ice cream, what I really need is…well…some hot-man-lovin’. It also got me to thinking about the last time I was in a relationship and having relations on a regular basis. While most people say they pack on love weight when they’re happily coupled up–I actually dropped a few pounds.  There were a variety of reasons for that.

One: I was getting plenty of exercise. *insert devilish giggle here*.

Two: the late night snacking and sleep eating were eliminated because I was usually busy doing other things. *yep, still talking about the same thing*

Three: I just had less of an appetite. Perhaps because I was being filled up in other ways. (And that’s not a dirty double entendre, I swear.) Or maybe the lack of appetite was from the stress of being with a man that I never fully trusted. But that, my friends, is another blog for another day.

Whether one thing actually has anything to do with the other, I can’t say for sure. But my aunt certainly raises a valid point. Are we substituting food for something that is lacking in our lives? Of course, Oprah and Dr. Phil have been proponents of this school of thought for years, but I never really thought it made sense for me because, from my perspective, I have a very full life. As far as the sex thing goes, sure, I wouldn’t mind having more. But I never feel like I’m missing anything, ya know? I’m a relationship girl. So the idea of sex for sex sake doesn’t appeal to me much. …Ok, maybe a little but not much. *blush*

So now I’m wondering, could sex be my ally in this raging war against the R.J.F.–(residual jiggle factor if you’re a new reader). Should I forget the push-ups and do the pelvis push instead? (Shout out to “Vintage Trouble” Maybe instead of squat thrusts, I should do…wait…on second thought, I think I’ll keep that one.

I’m not saying that all I have to do to get my ideal body is have sex, but what I am suggesting, is that perhaps it can help eliminate one of the habits that thwart my efforts. What do you think? Will having more sex help me shed some pounds? According to “Woman’s Day” magazine, having sex burns approximately 288 calories an hour.   Sure, I can burn twice that on the elliptical or doing hot yoga, but that’s not nearly as much fun, now is it?

Unfortunately, the challenge here is actually testing this theory. Like I said, I don’t do the whole, ‘random sex’ thing. (No offense to those who are a little more open with the nookie.) So until I find someone who I truly connect with and want to be in an intimate relationship with, I won’t be able to prove or disprove my aunt’s hypothesis. UNLESS…you all do the leg work for me. Here’s where it gets good. Some of you I know personally. And I know for certain that you’re doing plenty of pelvis pushing yourselves and can weigh in on this. Those of you I don’t know have the luxury of being completely anonymous. So you tell me–does consistent sex curb your cravings? Do you think you’re in better shape because of your sex life? Inquiring minds, (and nosey ass me), want to know. Believe me, when I do get the chance to test the theory, you, my awesome readers, will be some of the first to know. Until then, be safe, carry on and continue to make sweet, sweet love! Happy Valentines Day!

About TheFormerFatGirl

I started gaining weight around age 6 and was on my first diet by age 7. Since then, my life has been a flurry of scales, gyms, low-carb/high fat diets, tape measures, spicy lemonade, self-esteem issues, loving my body, loathing my body, and the constant pursuit of my ideal figure. Since roller coasters are always more fun with friends, I decided to share my struggles and triumphs with any and everyone. Join me!

11 responses »

  1. Another great post Khalilah. The best workouts are the ones you don’t want to stop doing, so yes. It does. A good relationship will multiply your happy level exponentially, and the happier we are the less time we tend to have to stuff ourselves. Cheesy as it sounds, the holes… (Ahem.) Voids inside us can only really be filled with love, and that doesn’t necessarily come in a tall dark and handsome package. Ahem.

  2. Great post!!! (And, I don’t “sleep eat,” but I once dated a guy who did. Interestingly, we never did the horizontal polka either so you may have a point!). 😉

  3. This is the first time I’ve read your column very interesting topic and since I know you personally let me start off by saying this…. Unless you’ve blown up like a balloon sine heading west I have no clue how you could think you weigh too much. I’ve always viewed you as having an very healthy and sexy weight/body and incidentally you are one of the prettiest women I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting and working with .You’ve got curves in all the right places, trust me I’m a man and I know these things 🙂

    With that being said perhaps you should look a little deeper into your hypothesis. Sine both you and auntie seem to have the same biological make up ( assumption being made here) maybe you should ask her some more probing questions. If you both have found out that when you are having regular sex the night eating stops ask your aunt does she self pleasure herself and if so at what frequency? If she does so at night does she still find that she will sleep eat? Of course for that matter you should pose this same question to yourself (and this is something you could test)?

    I hypothesize that it is not the actual act of sex but the biological reactions of having an orgasm that may keep you content and in a peaceful sleep state. All of this has a good deal to do with oxytocin, the “hormone of love” as it has been called. Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter synthesised by the hypothalamus at the base of the brain and stored in the posterior pituitary, from where it pulses out when required, which is during sexual activity and in childbirth, after which it prompts the desire to nuzzle and protect infants. Oxytocin induces feelings of love and altruism, warmth, calm, bonding, tenderness and togetherness, of satisfaction during bodily contact, sexual arousal and sexual fulfilment. It is during orgasm in both men and women that oxytocin floods through our bloodstream. Oxytocin released by female orgasm helps women lie still for a while afterwards. This increases the likelihood of conception, as well as making it probable that women will seek further coitus because they enjoyed it so much (Oh btw did I ever tell you I have a science I think the calm that you feel after the orgasm is what keeps you from later wanting (over needing) to do you half sleep fridge raid. I know personally after I’v had a good sex session I sleep like a baby 🙂 I suggest you try this out for a couple of weeks, some self pleasuring and let us know what happens.

  4. Ha! I LOVE this post because, God love you Khalilah, I have experienced the SAME PROBLEM!!! I’m not kidding!! Whenever I tell people that I used to have a severe sleep eating problem they look at me like I’m an alien from another planet lol:) It was at it’s worst in college, and at it’s peak I awoke to find that I had eaten a DOZEN of those super soft, thick, frosting coated sugar cookies. I honestly cried about it….no seriously I did because I had gained 15 pounds in ONE MONTH because of my rampant sleep eating that was out of control. I would wake up with half-eaten cups of yogurt spilled all over me, peanut butter smeared on my face….sometimes I wouldn’t even know I did it until I found the evidence the next morning!!!

    I saw several doctors and finally a sleep specialist. The conclusion? Well I had a severe lack of sleep (I got an average of 2-3 hours a night at that point in my life with all I had going on). When I would get more sleep I wouldn’t sleep eat as much. As you said, “Are we substituting food for something that is lacking in our lives?” for me, it was definitely a lack of sleep. For you, yeah girl it may be sex, lol, who knows? I do know that when I’m having sex a lot I tend to eat healthier I think? I dunno….it’s a fun topic to post on Valentines though:)) xoxox!

  5. YESSSSS!! Love this one…I lost about 12 pounds in the last 4 months and I’m SURE that consistent “cutty” had lots to do with it. Now that the relationship is over, I expect to fit back into my jeans in about a month or two 😦 That is unless I find more cutty before I pack those pounds back on. Fingers crossed.

  6. By far some of the best and most thorough, (James–LOL), comments I’ve gotten on any post. Not to mention some of the private e-mails people shared. I’m so glad you all enjoyed it. And it’s good to know that we may be on to something here. Can’t wait to test it out for myself. LOL.

  7. I have a friend that sleep eats OFTEN, and her sex life has been very inconsistent…she will be a great candidate to test this theory! will come back with my findings!

  8. I love it. I cant wait to hear the ” findings”

  9. Well then… ummm… Yeah… Ok. I actually do subscribe to your aunt’s theory about More Sex = Equals Less Ancillary Cravings (unless… you just have an insatiable appetite for food, but lends itself to another psychological hurdle you must overcome).

    The best sex is passionate sex with the one you love, because the contentment overflows; leaving no room (or strength for that matter, lol) for exterior pains to manifest themselves as late-nite cravings. In the words of the late, great Ray Charles: “You know the night time is the right time to be with the one you love!”

    Ahem… Of course this is all based off scientific research that is. 🙂

  10. Luv this post!

    Sadly(i suppose, or not too sad….well, YES!- at this age/stage I WILL SAY sadly) I have limited experience on the type of sex that would constitute a proper sweat breaking/heavy breathing work out to weigh in on this theory.
    However, I have had plenty of midnight ‘ice cream and cookie binges’ or late night “after party grubbin” sessions while dating that bring about those love pounds that’ll have me say “I THINK MY BUTTS GETTIN BIG!!”.

    Hopefully one day I’ll find I’m in a relationship with enough “cookies and screams” to keep me fit AND help me plump in the right places ;0)



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