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High Expectations

Here we are, July 15th, one month and a day since I made my FormerFatGirl Declaration. When I wrote the first blog, I remember being so excited, so amped up. “This is it,” I thought. “Writing this blog and sharing my story with the public is just the catalyst I need  to really get my ass in gear and lose the weight.” Even after less than stellar results the first two weeks, I was still confident. Because what you didn’t know, was that I had a secret weapon tucked neatly away in my back pocket, (next to a watermelon jolly rancher in case of a sugar emergency.) It was…the cleanse. I knew that even if my efforts alone didn’t get the pounds off, I could jump on the candida cleanse and the fat would melt off like butter atop warm cornbread. (Dear cornbread, I miss you. Love, Khalilah). So, after losing zero pounds in week two, I decided it was time to pull out the back-up artillery. And last week, I started the candida cleanse.

I cut out coffee, dairy, alcohol, gluten, fruit, sugar, and all things delicious. And while, there were a few “modifications” here and there, (see last week’s post), I thought I was doing phenomenally well. Even with a day and a half of being off the cleanse because I was traveling and couldn’t take all of my supplements or eat organic, I still thought I was doing damn good. This is me after all–Miss “I don’t do diets; I eat what I want”–an admitted caffeine and sugar addict. This is the same girl who found a recipe for funnel cakes in her local paper and started making them for dessert on a regular basis…when I was 12!!! ( Told you I was a fat girl). I am a person who believes the best way to eat chicken is fried; that french fries taste best when dipped in barbecue sause and honey, and that chocolate is the key to both happiness and correcting the national deficit. And here I was, giving up the foods and beverages I love and actually sticking to it.

So I have to say, when I stepped on the scale this morning, I was eager to see what kind of results my hard work and dedication had garnered. I had been on the cleanse for about 7 days. Surely, I was going to pull a big number. Imagine my surprise, my utter bewilderment, when I looked down and saw that I had lost a mere 3 pounds. And recall, I didn’t do a weigh-in last week, so this is a after a total of 2 weeks. What in FatGirl Hell was going on? Three pounds?! THAT’S IT!! After 7 days of swallowing my weight in supplements, raw coconut oil, and a mixture of grapefruit seed extract that can only be described as akin to drinking liquid hate–this was all I get? Not to mention the fact that I was literally afraid to leave the house for the first 72 hours for fear of reenacting a disgusting, albeit hilarious scene from the movie “Bridesmaids”. (Remember Maya Rudolph in the middle of that street? Yeah. Not pretty, folks.)

But there is was, staring me in the face–three pounds. And I can imagine what some of you are thinking. Losing 3 pounds is pretty good; I should be proud of myself–yadda, yadda, yadda. But come on!! That’s a total of 4lbs in a month, one pound a week. And while some fitness and health experts would argue that this rate of weight loss is on par for someone my size, I say, “it’s some bullshiz”!  I’m disappointed, frustrated, embarrassed and honestly–I’m kind of over this whole process. What I really want to do is get in my car, drive to Yogurtland, get all my favorite flavors, topped off with brownie bites and yogurt chips and stand in front of the window of the Bally’s gym next door, eating it and doing the Eddie Murphy ice cream dance. (And if you don’t follow that reference, shame on you!)

*sigh* But alas, that’s not what I’m going to do. Aside from that being just downright cruel, it would also make me feel like crap in the long run. Instead, what I will do, is put on my workout clothes and drive to that very Bally’s to join the rest of rabble who have committed to living a healthier life and have nothing better to do on a Friday night than go to the gym. (Perhaps my next blog will be about my perpetual singleness.) Thing is, I still have a week until my first deadline. And that means, I haven’t failed yet. Is it possible to lose 4 pounds in a week–yes! Will it be easy–hell no! But I’m a 31-year-old black woman, living in LA, pursuing a career in acting and writing. I’m pretty familiar with things not coming easily. So the fight continues. The FatGirl in me wants to give up–to throw my hands up and say “oh well, I tried.” But I can’t do that. Or more accurately, I won’t. Mainly because of you wonderful people. You guys have been rooting me on and encouraging me since I started this process. And in addition to owing it to myself, I owe it you guys. So, thanks, everybody–for holding me accountable and keeping me going. I have to say, I think my RJF, (residual jiggle factor if you’ve forgotten,) may have gone down by about 0.5 seconds. So, I guess I’m heading in the right direction. Slowly, but surely, I’ll get there. I know I will. Until next weigh in…FormerFatGirl…out.

About TheFormerFatGirl

I started gaining weight around age 6 and was on my first diet by age 7. Since then, my life has been a flurry of scales, gyms, low-carb/high fat diets, tape measures, spicy lemonade, self-esteem issues, loving my body, loathing my body, and the constant pursuit of my ideal figure. Since roller coasters are always more fun with friends, I decided to share my struggles and triumphs with any and everyone. Join me!

8 responses »

  1. Hey lovely queen:) Thanks for sharing…girrrrllllll I SO KNOW what you are going through hahaha. It will get better the longer you stay disciplined and I SWEAR 4 lbs in a week is a REALLY lofty goal for someone like you because you don’t have that much to lose. You can do it don’t get me wrong but you can’t let up the fight when you get there either….ugh f’ing food and exercise you suck! lmao….I’m cheering for you over here with a celery stick in one hand and a piece of poop in the other. The celery stick doesn’t seem so bad now huh?;)

  2. Although I need to get the back story, I do still have a question. Does this diet work for everyone who tries it? Maybe you just need a different diet???

  3. Did I ever mention that I was on the “Red Light, Green Light” diet in elementary school? The one where my mom put red tape on all the foods that I love to eat and green tape on the healthy foods that I despised, and yellow tape on the foods that I semi-despised? And then banned me from standing in front of the fridge and squirting the processed cheese whiz directly into my mouth?

    If not, then that will sum up how I feel about diets and cleanses. I have an aversion to them and the only diet or cleanse I have been able to maintain is the one where I forced myself to get in 5 fruits and veggies a day…some might just call that proper nutrition.

    So from my perspective here are some suggestions (other than cleansing) for getting that last 4 pounds off:

    1) Go do 1.5 hours of hot yoga with Kemi in the mornings. You will feel awesome about life, your skin will look even more amazing than it does already, and you will be longer and leaner. Can’t promise the weight will go away, but it will definitely redistribute and lengthen. I swear I dropped a size from doing hot yoga for a month.

    2) Come brave the mean streets of LA with me on a bike ride from UCLA to Culver City. I call it ultimate commuting, while others might call it “Death Ride 2011”. Whatev.

    3) Forget about losing the 4 pounds of fat and focus more on turning it into muscle for your upcoming stuntwoman role. Cross-train, swim, hike, etc to build strength. Muscle burns food faster anyway.

    4) Salsa dancing. It’s fun, a good workout, and might knock out the 4 pounds and the singleness at one time.

    I’m off to find a can of squeeze cheese to eat on my bike ride home.

    • A girl after my own heart!! I do miss that Bikram yoga. Wish it was free though. 😦 But I will take all suggestions under advisement. This 4 pound thing is just lieu of the goal I set a month ago, but you’re right. This isn’t a way to live. Just another fix for the moment. I’ll be back to real life soon and just take the best of what I’ve learned with me. 🙂

  4. So just a thought – in order to avoid the frustration about the # of lbs coming off – maybe you need another way to measure. Because you do not have gobs of weight to lose, measuring your body fat % and measuring the inches at your neck, chest, arms, waist, hips, thighs may be another way to see your progress. As you hit the gym harder, you may build muscle at the same time as you lose fat and therefore get smaller but not much lighter on the scale. Make sense? I dropped 19 lbs in 6 weeks. Gonna restart my diet at the end of the month. Call me if you wanna meet at Bally’s on Friday night and talk about it. 😉 -Chisa

  5. When will you post again ? Been looking forward to this !


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